carrying on

"Even if you do things the right way, some would still be unsatisfied. Some will not appreciate what you say and what you do, and there would always be people who would let you down too. But as long as you speak honesty from the heart, you’ll be fine. This is not perfect world; this is not a perfect life. Life is almost always unfair, but life loves the person who dares to live it embracing the challenges of life."

This was one of the messages I received early this morning. I thanked Kaiks for sending this to me – this is actually the first time I thanked a consistent text spammer. Haha! Anyway, it surely made my day. But I’m still picking myself up piece by piece after the world fell on me.

Flashback last Friday, August 24th – I was about to have my lunch past 1pm when I got a call from our manager. He instructed me to be in a board room with him to have a talk. I was expecting a performance review since the September 1 is the start of the new fiscal year of our company and we (employees) are supposed to get notified of promotions and receive our salary letters indicating our salary increases. So, I got myself settled in the board room, our boss asked me about my contributions for my team/project. I smiled. I couldn’t think of anything – maybe because of humility. I wanted him to say it out for me. “I don’t know” was my humble reply. Then he gave me a crash course on how the company assesses employees’ performance, how promotions are made, etc.

He asked me the first question again – what was my contribution. I replied, “I am actually not sure… I came in when the team was about to start operations. I brought in processes I have learned on my previous job, I owned client satisfaction surveys and analysis, helped with reports, defined the team’s metrics… I don’t know if these can be considered contributions as I think I am just doing my job.”

“Dean, you don’t realize what your contributions are to the team. Your performance is superior above your peers. You made the helpdesk team the way it is. Your contributions were way beyond the management’s expectations. But… since you have expressed your desire to move out of the project, the management have decided not to give you the promotion. We could have given it to you considering your contributions and leadership skills, but as you want to move we decided not to. We want you to be ready for whatever path you will be taking. It would be difficult for you to move with a higher position, especially if you don’t have the technical skills that are required of that title from other project…”

I was an experienced hire. I did not undergo training. My job was to supervise a team. Since I am in a software development company, I wanted to try what most people here are doing. I don’t want to spend my career on the helpdesk or any call center-related jobs anymore.

I told my manager that I had a mixed reaction to their decision. I am happy, since eventually my wish of getting out of the project is being considered. I am also disheartened due to the fact that I should have gotten a promotion.

Our manager said that it is a win-win situation. As I already have transitioned some of my job to a co-worker, I could take in some responsibility that would prepare me when I move out. Finding a new project for me would not be a problem. On the other hand, the project would not roll-in a newbie to do the task that I will be doing. But in reality, I lost everything. I’m still stuck here.

A colleague has told me that I should have fought for the thing that I deserve. Maybe she’s right. But it doesn’t really matter anymore. The decision has been made and it couldn’t be changed anymore.

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I came home last Saturday and told her about what happened. Tears came rolling out of my eyes. I’m glad that I was able to vent out my frustrations. It really felt good to let emotions out sometimes.

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Anyway, looking at the bright side, I am still employed. I still got something to expect – a salary increase. Good days are still to come.