carrying on

"Even if you do things the right way, some would still be unsatisfied. Some will not appreciate what you say and what you do, and there would always be people who would let you down too. But as long as you speak honesty from the heart, you’ll be fine. This is not perfect world; this is not a perfect life. Life is almost always unfair, but life loves the person who dares to live it embracing the challenges of life."

This was one of the messages I received early this morning. I thanked Kaiks for sending this to me – this is actually the first time I thanked a consistent text spammer. Haha! Anyway, it surely made my day. But I’m still picking myself up piece by piece after the world fell on me.

Flashback last Friday, August 24th – I was about to have my lunch past 1pm when I got a call from our manager. He instructed me to be in a board room with him to have a talk. I was expecting a performance review since the September 1 is the start of the new fiscal year of our company and we (employees) are supposed to get notified of promotions and receive our salary letters indicating our salary increases. So, I got myself settled in the board room, our boss asked me about my contributions for my team/project. I smiled. I couldn’t think of anything – maybe because of humility. I wanted him to say it out for me. “I don’t know” was my humble reply. Then he gave me a crash course on how the company assesses employees’ performance, how promotions are made, etc.

He asked me the first question again – what was my contribution. I replied, “I am actually not sure… I came in when the team was about to start operations. I brought in processes I have learned on my previous job, I owned client satisfaction surveys and analysis, helped with reports, defined the team’s metrics… I don’t know if these can be considered contributions as I think I am just doing my job.”

“Dean, you don’t realize what your contributions are to the team. Your performance is superior above your peers. You made the helpdesk team the way it is. Your contributions were way beyond the management’s expectations. But… since you have expressed your desire to move out of the project, the management have decided not to give you the promotion. We could have given it to you considering your contributions and leadership skills, but as you want to move we decided not to. We want you to be ready for whatever path you will be taking. It would be difficult for you to move with a higher position, especially if you don’t have the technical skills that are required of that title from other project…”

I was an experienced hire. I did not undergo training. My job was to supervise a team. Since I am in a software development company, I wanted to try what most people here are doing. I don’t want to spend my career on the helpdesk or any call center-related jobs anymore.

I told my manager that I had a mixed reaction to their decision. I am happy, since eventually my wish of getting out of the project is being considered. I am also disheartened due to the fact that I should have gotten a promotion.

Our manager said that it is a win-win situation. As I already have transitioned some of my job to a co-worker, I could take in some responsibility that would prepare me when I move out. Finding a new project for me would not be a problem. On the other hand, the project would not roll-in a newbie to do the task that I will be doing. But in reality, I lost everything. I’m still stuck here.

A colleague has told me that I should have fought for the thing that I deserve. Maybe she’s right. But it doesn’t really matter anymore. The decision has been made and it couldn’t be changed anymore.

- - -

I came home last Saturday and told her about what happened. Tears came rolling out of my eyes. I’m glad that I was able to vent out my frustrations. It really felt good to let emotions out sometimes.

- - -

Anyway, looking at the bright side, I am still employed. I still got something to expect – a salary increase. Good days are still to come.

organizers

My immediate supervisor requested for some supplies at work. I didn't expect that he asked for my supplies too. I had everything that i need to do my job. Now, I don't know what to do with these stuff that he ordered for me.



These things have been lying on my workstation for some time now. I still need to figure out what to put on these.

Geesh! Don't you just hate organizing organizers?

fluctuations

Dean, namayat ka… (you’re getting thin)

O Dean, tumataba ka… (you’re getting bigger)

Yes, my weight is fluctuating. Some people from college or high school would say that I’ve lost weight. People I’ve met on my previous jobs would say that I’m getting bigger. Unlike most people who have maintained their figure through the years, I’ve struggled on being in shape.

My mom said that I started getting fat as soon as I had my first tooth extraction. It was hard to accept that I was already obese when I have graduated from high school especially when I didn’t feel like I’m one. Despite my size, had been able to do what other people can’t do, like cartwheels. The only difficulty that I had was finding the size of clothes that I wanted.

In college, I was a member of the badminton team. Due to the religious training that we had, I lost a little bit of “baby fats”. Time came when we had to represent our school for an athletic meet. I wasn’t chosen to play since the coach thought that I wouldn’t last on the day of competition.

I was a biology major. Most of my courses (specially botany) required students to explore the world. One time, we had to climb a mountain, Mt. Sto. Tomas I think. After the climb I got so sick and have not been able to attend classes for a week. I threw up everything I ate and had diarrhea. In a week, I lost more than 40 pounds! It was drastic. I felt so weak and most of all happy to shed all those weight. It was the start of living my new life. I said to myself never will I be fat again.

I transferred school. Joined the badminton team once more and this time I had the opportunity to play (but since I got so much to do, I decided not to go). I felt so happy being in the “new school” in my hometown where people I know since the beginning of time would compliment that I looked good. One time, in another school that I’ve transferred to, I was one of the heartrobs! Seriously! Hahaha!! Such fun memories!

I thought that the “dark” days of my life were over until I started working. Outsourcing is the flavor of the century. I worked in call centers – graveyard shifts, unscheduled meals, no exercise. The weight came back. In almost 4 years of working in shifts, I have developed hypertension. I didn’t realize I had this illness until I had myself check for a cough. My blood pressure reading on my check up was 140 – 80. The doctor asked me to monitor my blood pressure for a week and the results was a consistent 140 – 80 reading.

Hmmm… Now I know why I always have palpitations whenever I drink coffee. Okay, now I have a problem on how I could get a Starbucks planner for the next year!

I had to change my lifestyle. Good thing that my current assignment doesn’t require me to work at night. I have learned to control my diet. I had time for me to exercise. I lost a little bit of weight. Losing weight is not about aesthetics anymore (even if I’m doing this also because I’ll be in Boracay in a month!). Now, I am concerned about my health. Hope this time my weight won’t fluctuate up anymore.

brain freeze

Tomorrow’s the deadline for completion of requirements to clear my EXT, extended, rating (equivalent to INC, incomplete, in residential mode of education).

Of all my major courses, I got this grade in computer ethics – the easiest course of all. The course requires a lot of essays and essays are not my cup of coffee. I struggle in expressing myself. (Well, blogging is an exception since I only write why I have already experience aside from the fact that it is not graded!) When the time came to submit our portfolio, sort of a collection of our thoughts on some ethical questions, I wasn’t able to send mine. Basically because I had not finished writing my stuff – up to this day!

Right now, my brain is dead. I can’t think. Even with the help of Bach playing in background nothing comes up.

I got to focus.

Focus.

Focus.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm…………… mmmmmmmm……… mmmmmmmmm…..

when it rains, it pours --- super!!!

Drought was back as soon as I posted this entry. I wished for the rain to come back. I thought that I jinxed it until this morning it rained very hard! So hard, I had to wait for like 3 hours before going to work hoping that rain will stop. But it didn’t. I had no choice but to fix myself up, wear my corporate outfit for the day and report to work.

As I opened the gate, I was surprised by the flood on our street. Good thing the sidewalk is still walk-able. 5 minutes of being out and I am already wet soaked in rain water. Then suddenly, the rain stopped! Someone is really kidding on me! I got back to my apartment, took another bath and this time put on my jeans and shirt! I didn’t care anymore if HR will shout on my neck! There is a storm for crying out loud! Corporate attire yourself!

Anyway, I came at work 30 minutes before noon. Almost everyone was late and I was the only “pasaway” one in jeans.

Ok, next time, I’ll be careful for what I wish for.

checking my mail

Just received this article from an email… An eye opener… Makes me wonder where my taxes go… Hmmm… Ok, I’ll just pretend I didn’t see my pay slip today.

- - -
http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2007/june/12/yehey/opinion/20070612opi4.html


VIRTUAL REALITY
By Tony Lopez
The evil of dynasties


Just how bad dynasties are to the economy and the country can be gleaned from the amount of taxpayers’ money these people have access to.

Take the Senate. There will be siblings—Pia and Alan Cayetano. In addition, Alan’s wife, Laarni, took his old congressional seat from Taguig. There will probably be a father-and-son senator—Nene Pimentel and Koko Pimentel. The No. 2 most popular senator, Chiz Escudero, has his father, Sonny, as congressman from Sorsogon, his son’s old turf. Ed Angara is senator; his son and namesake is a congressman.

A senator draws P200 million in pork barrel; a congressman, P70 million. Therefore, Pia, Alan and Laarni will rake in P470 million a year, or P1.4 billion in three years. Nene and Koko will have P400 million between themselves yearly, or P1.3 billion in three years. Chiz and Sonny will enjoy P270 million per year, or P810 million in three years, just like the Angara father-and-son tandem.

How much does the average poor make a day? A third of the 85 million population, or 25.5 million of the people of this country make less than $1 a day, or $365 (or P17,155) a year.
According to Ping Lacson, the P200-million pork barrel of a senator is just a starting figure. If a senator sponsors a Cabinet department during the budget hearings and sessions, he/she is given access to P350 million in the line budget of that department. So P200 million plus P350 million, that’s P550 million.

What do the Filipino people get in return for electing these people? Very little, if any.

In the last 100 years since Filipinos began electing their representatives, the Philippines degenerated from being the No. 1 economy, trading and commercial power in Asia to No. 73 least competitive country in the world. Today, the Philippines is less free than it was a century ago. Did you know that the Philippines used to be Asia’s industrial power?

As late as the 19th century, the Philippines was already one of Asia’s premier industrialized countries and was the center of culture and education. The country was producing iron-ore sheets, refined iron ore, liquor from molasses using then unheard-of boilers, fine textiles for export, and was using steam engines and steam ships. It established the first bank in Asia, made the first typhoon forecast in Asia, and set up the first European-style universities in Asia.

Manila had a street car system, just like San Francisco; and had a ferrocarril line from the city to Dagupan in the north and from Manila to Batangas and Bicol in the south. By 1895, Manila had an electric light system. The first taxi fleet, the first airline, the first modern newspapers, the first conglomerate were established by Filipino tycoons. What happened after that?

During the last 100 years, Japan became a military power and the world’s No. 2 economic power next to the United States.

During the last 50 years, Taiwan, South Korea, Hong Kong and Singapore became economic miracles. Taiwan, Malaysia and Singapore became nation states (they used to be unknown islands while Filipinos were already conducting diplomatic relations with Europe and China). In fact, at one time, the Sultan of Sulu was a frequent visitor in China because he liked it there. He stayed there for three months, but died of syphilis. The Chinese erected a monument in his honor.

In the last 30 years, the Philippines became the slowest growing economy per capita in Asia, bar none. During that time, Congress produced 15,000 laws and law schools 30,000 lawyers, half of whom are active. So two lawyers for every one law. Yet, the Philippines has a very poor human rights and economic rights record.

We got our priorities wrong. We gave the people the power to vote even before the people and those they elect learned how to govern properly or at the very least, prepare or educate themselves to have a modicum of competency and honesty.

These days, people kill people just to be able to serve the people. People bribe people just to be able to serve the people. That is the meaning of a heated electoral contest. And of fraudulent elections.

Should our politicians be blamed for the nadir we have fallen into? I will say no if those families mentioned in the first part of this column will return their pork barrel and declare, “from now on, I will truly serve the people.” C’mon, give the money to the 12-million school-age children who are out of school because of extreme poverty. You don’t deserve so much money. You didn’t earn it.

when it rains, it pours

I got a 2 day vacation last week. It should have been 7 days which means that I should still be on leave this week; however, 2 of my colleagues have filed for their breaks this week and there was a training scheduled for me as well so my 5 days were not approved. My anticipation of 11 days without work has given me dismay when I learned that it won’t happen. I have planned to finish all my pending requirements in school – knowing that I got ample time to concentrate. So, I didn’t finish everything.

- - -

Speaking of school – I am currently taking my master’s degree in information systems in UPOU. This is my 2nd year, but I won’t be graduating this school year. I am taking my time as I am still mastering the art of balancing work and study. Mind you, online learning is hard. I was wrong when I thought that would be easy because I would get to study on my own pace without having to deal with professors and parasitic classmates. God! I wish I have the time to be a resident in a campus so I could get all the live interaction that I could get instead of purely email and chat!

I am afraid that I will drop a course this semester. I got 9 units – 3 major, as in MAJOR, subjects. My shifting and on-call schedules, in addition to my new role won’t let me have enough time for all those courses. God help me! I already got an EXT (extended) grade last year (which means INC – incomplete for campus-based students). I don’t want to have another set of letters, i.e. DRP (dropped) on my transcript. But I have would to choose the lesser evil between DRP and 5.0. By the way, I’m thinking of dropping my Strategic Information Systems Development course. My time is so limited to find a company which is large enough for a strategic information systems plan.

So, before I drop a subject, if there is anyone reading this blog who could be of help to provide me with details of a company / government agency so I could finish one of my projects I would really appreciate it. God bless you whoever you are. A big thanks as well.

- - -

I my hair cut last Thursday. I got my hair really short – but somewhat longer than skin head. I was anticipating heat brought about by dry spell. I didn’t want to put on gel on my hair ‘coz it will just retain heat. But it rained. It has been raining since Saturday. It rained all day yesterday. I guess this is the start of the wet season.

Well, I hope drought is done because I hate sweat. Even if I was wet in rain water before I reached the office yesterday, I was happy because I wasn’t soaked in sweat!

- - -

Being in training means that I won’t have to be on my project at work. My 3-day training is such a relief because I won’t have to deal with the client’s pressure. Aside from that, I don’t see my managers to ruin my day! Wish I could have more of these trainings. Haha!

If you are wondering why I don’t like seeing my managers, well, here is the story (though I think that this should be on a separate post). During my performance coaching with my immediate supervisor for our annual appraisal, I have raised my intention of leaving the project. Of course I understand that it is difficult for managers to release a resource, especially if a resource like me is hard to find for my job (that’s the truth okay!). I have stated my reasons for leaving, which were all rational. So, my supervisor has assured me that he will take my issue to our managers. On our next meeting he has assured me that our project manager has given me a go signal to leave the project. My supervisor and I agreed that I will stay until September when I have transitioned my job to a co-worker. Then a co-worker was somewhat promoted to the role that I have and I asked our human resources representative about the process of getting out of my project.

One day, our project manager approached me to schedule a meeting. I thought the meeting would be about my team since I was my team’s only supervisor that time of the day. I was wrong! The meeting was about me – my role, my performance, and my career. I wasn’t prepared for that kind of talk with him. And worse, we never got into a private space but instead we went in a room where people conduct informal meetings. There were lots of people in that room, not to mention a lot of noise. How can I get my points heard by my boss? Well, it was a public room and I don’t want people think that I am raising my voice at my manager even if I was just stressing my points (yeah, I am still an angel even if I got a tail!). Anyway, what we talked about was his plans of not letting me leave the project. He said that I will be given new roles regardless of my career objectives. I was totally devastated. And his reasons: difficult to release me since he still needs to ask permission from the client, he doesn’t know where to put me (as if that would still be his job), hard to find a replacement for me (then I deserve a better treatment!), etc. etc. His reasons were not good, and are so shallow. Well, to summarize what we have talked about, I have a dead-end career. I have felt that I am no greater than those folks who didn’t finish anything in college – no offense to them.

- - -

Okay, done with my frustrations.

Tomorrow is a new day. I may not have the things that I want for myself today but I am not losing hope. Let me just share some messages I received on my phone that inspired me so I can inspire others as well.

"Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Every flower bud blossoms when it’s time. Every prayer is answered in God’s time."

pay day movie night

I’m a sucker for movies.

I just realized that I have been depriving myself in seeing films on the big screen. Well, since my dad had a sudden urge of getting a bigger TV and a DVD player so instead of enjoying the movies alone, I spent more time visiting some pirates so the whole family can watch.

Yesterday was a pay day. Time for a celebration! Hmmm… “Why not see a movie?” I thought. I went to my apartment, took a quick bath before hitting G4. Good thing an X was available to be with me that time. That way, I wouldn’t be going home alone after the last full show.

X was supposed to meet me up at 9pm. X and I decided to have dinner first. I came in G4 at 7.30pm… roamed around, before settling in Starbucks to wait for my “date”.

***

It’s really irritating if people can’t get your name right. My name is just 4 letter with only 1 syllable - how come people in this country find my name so difficult? Duh!

X came 30 minutes early. We got our tickets for the 10.30pm showing. It was my treat so I got to decide where to dine – and I chose pasta. Chef d’Angelo is full of people, so as Sbarro… It's pay day so people are out. X craved for California maki so we found ourselves holding chopsticks at Tokyo Tokyo.

***

After dinner, we still got an hour to spend doing nothing. Doing nothing at that time meant me buying my first Timezone card to hit the arcade. Man! It has been a long time since I got the excitement of playing Tekken!

***

Ouija, HP5, The Simpsons, Blind Date, Ratatouille, Vacancy were showing. I’ve x-d out Ouija and Vacancy since I wanted to have a good night of sleep. X and I have seen HP5 so that’s another x. I hate rats so no Ratatouille for me. X is scheduled to see The Simpsons on weekend. We had no other choice but to see Blind Date.

Blind Date was good. Had some kilig and teary moments. Overall, it was good. I can’t say much since I don’t criticize movies – I just watch movies for the sake of enjoying myself and nothing more.

***

Ok, so now I don’t know what to blog anymore. So... time to logout.