in the spirit of Christmas

Christmas is almost over but I’m just starting to feel it. Well, climate hasn’t been cooperating and this has been the warmest Christmas I have experienced so far. Aside from that, I didn’t do any shopping for everyone. Gifts I bought were only for my brothers, lola, and aunt. Moreover, families on both my parents’ side were incomplete during our reunions.

This is the season to be jolly. It finally hit me when I shopped for my shoes. How selfish of me, but the euphoria of buying a present (the shoes, for myself) made me feel like a child again.

Yesterday, my mom and I went to Lumban, Laguna. She bought an office barong for me as a Christmas present. Another barong was also ordered which will be claimed next week. Yeah, it was still selfish of me, receiving the gifts. But as we were on our way, we stopped in Sta. Cruz to buy new sofas. It made me feel glad realizing that somehow, I have invested something for the family. (Well, I don’t usually give some of my wages to my mom but I try to make it a point to buy some things that the family needs. How materialistic of me, but at least I see where some of my earnings go.)

New Year is just hours away from now. Earlier today, my mom accompanied me to the grocery to buy food for medya noche and do some last minute shopping for my inaanaks and dad. It was really out of my budget for the month but, hey, I still believe in traditions. I just hope that my dad will be home. If not, this will be the first New Year that my family will be lacking someone. I was kinda hoping that he be home when we came back from the grocery but he has not shown himself. And, it just sank in me. Christmas is about family.

This year has really been rough for me. But is not an excuse for me not to celebrate and reconcile with my family. Lalo pa ngayon, alam ko na kung gaano kasakit mawalan ng isang mahal sa buhay.