reminiscence

Uwi ka ngayon.

It was my youngest sibling who sent me that message. I replied to ask why, but didn’t get a response. I called him, no answer. Then called my other brother and my mom, they didn’t answer my call. I know something bad had happened so I called my aunt. Her words “your lolo is gone” broke me into tears.

As with many people, my family is much closer with my mom’s side. My dad has always been away working and my mom has her usual trips for work. So, we were practically raised by my lola and aunt when we were growing up.

My lolo, was the first loss in my mom’s side of the family. It was not easy.

- - -

I went home immediately after I have heard the news. My lolo’s house is just beside our house. When I came home, I saw the lights and the casket. Tears were already falling from my eyes as I went straight to my room. I went out, saw my aunt and cried.

Sa tuwing umuuwi ako, hindi ako nagpapakita sa lolo. Hanggat maari ayoko tawagin nya ako para kumustahin. Hindi ko sya kayang makitang nanghihina. Naawa ako. Alam ko, na alam na mom ko na ganun ang nararamdaman ko. Kaya nung umuwi ako, mas lalong hirap akong dalhin sarili ko sa bahay nya. Pero nung sinabi ng tita ko na, “noong isang araw pa naghihintay ang lolo nyo, naghahanap ng apo” saka pa lang ako lumipat ng bahay. Sa kusina ako dumaan, sa likod ng nakahilerang upuan doon ko tinanaw ang mga labi ng lolo ko. Umiyak, yakap ang mom ko. Saka umalis uli. Ang hirap sa kalooban.

- - -

At times like this, you do not need to ask what happened. The story about what happened will be retold a hundred times. So, I kept my ears open.

- - -

Sabi nga ng uncle ko, malungkot dahil wala na ang lolo pero masaya dahil naiayos ni lolo ang lahat.

- - -

Hindi ko masyado kilala ang lolo ko. Bata pa ako nung nagretire sya. Alam ko lang, may malaking program sa office nila nun. Dami accomplishments. Sabi ko nga, kahit magpagod ako sa trabaho ng todo, hindi ko maaabot narating nya. Ngayon ko lang narealize na mas higit pa dun ang nagawa nya.

- - -

On his second day, I went out to do some errands. When I came home, I saw my keyboard near his casket. Our church deacon used it during the worship service for my lolo. After the service, my one of my uncle said that I play the keyboard for my lolo.

Yes, it was my lolo who made me study the piano. I was his scholar. But, I am not as good as before. I haven’t touched a piano in years. My keyboard is a little bit broken because I don’t use it a lot lately. Then my uncle said “tumugtog ka, ang lolo mo ang nagpaaral sa iyo ng piano!”. Tell me about pressure!

So, I played church hymns. Though I missed to hit some notes, it wasn’t obvious as the family sang along.

Then my uncle said, “Mac (my youngest cousin, 2 years old), said bye-bye papa (lolo)”. Then I heard him said, “bye-bye papa” several times and when I looked at him, he was crying. I couldn’t hold myself anymore so I left… and cried.

- - -

Before our minister delivered his message, one of the elders asked if someone could say a sort of eulogy for my lolo. My mom, being my lolo’s the eldest child, came forward and told her stories. As she was narrating hers, I remembered what my lolo’s last words for me.

Two weeks ago, I went to their small store in front of their house to get some laundry soap. I was surprised to see him by their door, asking me to get him a bottle of Coke. I know he meant a liter of Coke but I can only find 8-ounce bottles in the store fridge. So, I took a big bottle of Pop cola instead. Then, it was just lately that I learned he doesn’t drink Pop.

As a kid, my lolo would always ask me to buy drinks for him. When he was younger, every night I would buy him his Tanduay Rum and Hope cigarette. But as he grew much older, I would buy him his Coke and bread.

Si lolo, kung anu pinakauna kong naaalala sa kanya, yun din ang huli kong alaala.

- - -

Sabi ni lolo, sana raw magising sya minsan na wala nang nararamdamang sakit sa katawan. Yun din ang sabi nya kay Pastor nung dinalaw sya nito sa ospital.

Sa wakas, wala ka na sakit lolo. Tapos na paghihirap mo.